When you first fall in love with your mate, you can’t help but think of the future and how you will become one big happy family. Sadly sometimes the best efforts to make this happen don’t always work. I don’t think any bride envisions not getting along with their new in-laws. And if you don’t get along, surely the moment they become grandparents you can mend fences for the sake of the children, right? For some this may be true but for others…not so much!
In my case it is the latter. When we got married almost 15 years ago, I was determined that I wouldn’t be one of those women who hated their in-laws. I wanted to have a good relationship with them and in my delusional state of mind, thought we would have Sunday suppers and Hallmark family holidays. Sounds so lovely doesn’t it? However, shortly after the ink on our marriage license dried things started going south with my in-laws. Without going into to too many details, 15 years later I don’t speak to either of them and they have nothing to do with our children.
If it was just me and my husband, I wouldn’t even both to discuss this but as my children are getting older they have asked questions like “Have I ever met Daddy’s parents?” or “How come we never see Daddy’s parents?”. This questions are hard to answer. I do not want to say anything against them or express my deep-rooted anger and disgust for them choosing to not be in their grandchildren’s life. But I also don’t want to sugar coat the situation. My daughter asked me last night “Are Daddy’s parents good people or bad people?”. (Talk about being torn. LOL ) I choose to tell her that they are good people who have made bad decisions. Which is completely true.
I truly never wanted it this way but after years of manipulation, constant verbal attacks, and persistent hypocritical judgments towards us (mostly me) we had to stop communicating with them. Mind you the communication has always been initiated by either my husband or myself. It has been years now since I spoke to them but my husband still calls them on their birthday to wish them happy birthday. They don’t send birthday cards or call on the kid’s birthday which honestly, even after all these years still hurts.
On the bright side, my parents are extremely involved with my kids. They talk to them all the time and video chat with them on Facetime. My kids love them so much and miss that they don’t get to see them all the time. I am very thankful that my parents are so involved with my kids. They are blessed by their love and devotion and I couldn’t ask for better Grandparents for my kids.
I believe my parents’ love for them is enough that the absence of my husband’s parents is barely felt.I do however, feel sorry for my in-laws. They are missing out on knowing our amazingly sweet children and watching them grow into strong, caring adults. It’s their loss.
If you are dealing with a similar situation I would love to hear how you handle the tough questions from your kids?